I understand that the #icebucketchallenge is for a great cause. ALS is a very serious disease that should definitely get attention && we should definitely donate when possible. But wasting all of this water is indeed wrong when California is in the middle of a water crisis. Soon, our water supply here in America is going to decrease to a 10-12 month supply. So we need to get serious about using our water wisely. Drink water. Shower w/ water. Wash clothes, dishes, etc. DON’T THROW IT ON URSELF BECAUSE OF A TREND!
I’m sick && tired of being sick && tired.
I remember those days of endless relaxation && fun when I was young && dumb. Just everyday being happy && up to little activities like drawing, playing outside, pretending to be television or video game characters. Just endless creativity without any thoughts of pain, suffering, stress, loneliness, depression, or having judgemental thoughts about urself and/or others. U just didn’t think or care about any of that bullshit in life at all. It never comes to mind when u grow up with a childhood filled with blessed fun times where ur fortunate to have both parents around && cousins or siblings to have around u as well. There’s a long ass list of shit I’m tired && depressed about.
I’m sick && tired of:
—Working at a place that has employees who are full of themselves && that gossip && are so fake while following eachother around pretending to be “family” && shit. I hate that I care so fking much about that. About what they think about me or why their friendships are so close && I’m always the one on the sidelines left out of everything. I look at all of them having fun amongst eachother && it makes me miss my friends. Thing about growing up is that life’s bullshit caves in to where u can’t see them as often as u want. Or talk to them as u would like to. I miss having those fun, care-free days……..
I’m sick && tired of:
—Tragic events. The ones I love either really go thru it everyday or the ones I love create that bullshit. Sadly, that shit makes me not wanna talk to a lot of ppl. When me && my boo are going thru bullshit, I’m tired of seeing him depressed && not himself. It scares me && makes me worried as hell. && when my cousins, brother, or parents wanna talk to me, unfortunately, I don’t really ever get in the mood to talk to them because of the bullshit they have caused. Or when I’m stressed out && trying to help && be there for him, my mom or cousin Gabriel wanna call me && I literally can’t or don’t have time for that shit && they think I’m the one that’s full of shit…..
I just wanna go back to having fun, drinking, dancing, having a good ass time……..but life isn’t all about that. Is it selfish && stupid to want that to be all its about?? Am I stupid for having those those thoughts?? Maybe not. Because I honestly feel I deserve that shit. I always love others more than I love myself a lot of the time. && it can’t be that way. Its dangerous. But its true. It seems like there’s never any true, fun downtime when it comes to caring/loving others. It kind of kills me inside little by little inside when each day goes by. Like no one truly cares about me. Like its a drag or a chore when they do……..
One of the main reasons why I’ve wanted to just kill myself && get rid of another chore or drag in everyones lives…….
&& maybe I don’t deserve happiness. Because once I get those opportunities, I become overwhelmingly selfish w/ it that I don’t even notice I’m doin that. I wish Vanessa or Angela were here w/ me right now…….it seems like u guys get me………….
I miss my friends……..I miss my cousins……….I miss the old, young days……………..Fuck this life.
Just gotta keep thinking, its only temporary. This stress && pain will eventually go away…….
The end of a beautiful chapter in our lives, but the beginning of something new…..something to look forward to. We all shall meet again (God Willing).
All day long….I’ve been asking myself….why has God taken u away from us? So soon? So suddenly? I just can’t believe it…..I feel as if I were to call u, I will just hear u answer w/ ur lovely voice. Its like ur still here. I really don’t know how to feel. But every moment that comes && goes, I just keep telling myself that ur in a better place. That ur in heaven back w/ ur daddy again. Daddy’s girl….<3 My heart is breaking && I wish u could just come back. Just open ur eyes && make me laugh like u always do. I love u so much Vanessa…..U were like another mother to me. I can’t take off those earrings u gave me. I will never bake a cake as good as u make them. U were just so incredibly beautiful in every way. I think, right now as I’m speaking, ur just right next to us ready to spend the day together. Oh Vanessa……I miss u so much. My heart hurts…..</3 U were gone too soon.
Jenny makin me laugh got me lookin goofy as hell! Lol, Promise me we will all chill again && go to Pinche’s Pizza! Ahaha, One of those nights u wanna cherish.<3
Awesome night last night. Wish it lasted longer. Love em so much!
Little Chuck. Pretty boy.<3
Doin big thangs w/ a side of buffalo wangs! Minus the wings……I wish I had some…….**fat girl moment, lol
Really Lays??? Like seriously?????…….
I am who I am. Take it or leave it. We all live our lives the way we choose to live it. Whether u like it or not. Whether u agree or disagree. Its my life. && when it comes to choosing ur own path, choose it wisely. && make sure ur choice is right in ur gut. Believe it w/ all ur heart && soul. Because sometimes it has to take only one person to believe since there are many non-believers that follow each other in this common world. U gotta be a lone wolf sometimes. Trust in urself. Trust in God.
So over it. Time to turn up a lil bit. Bout to try the new Apple-Rita…..Don’t fail me now!! Lol