She Thinks Out Loud . . .

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20 fact, here we go!

1. It humbles me to see people giving & doing the beautiful, right things even when they have nothing themselves.
2. If u have any fat snacks like mac ‘n cheese or any cheesecake, there’s a chance that I will be the one to take it from u. Haha
3. To me, listening to music is like a euphoric drug.
4. I will one day earn my stripes & make everyone I know proud as hell.
5. One of my favorite shows of all time is One Tree Hill. Don’t judge me. Lol :P
6. I have a bad habit of speaking over ppl in the middle of their sentences. Thanks a lot dad. Lol
7. I will soon get a tattoo of my deceased mother-in-law either on the back of my left or right shoulder so she can always be by my side. <3 Miss u Vanessa…….
8. I overthink about everything!!
9. I don’t love myself enough to truly shine in front of everyone. Partly because I don’t like others to feel like they’re not worth anything.
10. My dog Cookie is the first && only dog I have ever owned && truly had the opportunity to take care of. She’s a blessing.
11. Mom, Dad, Brother…..I love u all. Never forget that. Think about u guys everyday. I wish blessings upon u all.
12. My future hubby, everytime he gives me that look, he still gives me goosebumps like he did when we first met. Its like I have known him forever….<3
13. If given a task, I will work hard to do whatever it is. If I don’t succeed, I know that I still did my best.
14. My favorite coloe is Purple. Always will be.
15. I wish incredible moments could last forever…
16. I was so dedicated to my job that I kept talking in my sleep repeating “Will that be for here or to go?” Hahah
17. I now truly know there is a definite heaven.
18. I tend to be the odd one out of a group or “clique” && I truly am realizing that IDGAF. :]
19. I sometimes can be suuuuper anti-social. But if I get a great vibe from u, I WILL talk to u a lot.
20. I don’t know what the future is gonna bring. I truly don’t. Anything can happen. I have been thru so much shit. I have made my mistakes. But one last that that I wanna say is…….I’m ready for it.

20 fact, here we go!

1. It humbles me to see people giving & doing the beautiful, right things even when they have nothing themselves.
2. If u have any fat snacks like mac ‘n cheese or any cheesecake, there’s a chance that I will be the one to take it from u. Haha
3. To me, listening to music is like a euphoric drug.
4. I will one day earn my stripes & make everyone I know proud as hell.
5. One of my favorite shows of all time is One Tree Hill. Don’t judge me. Lol :P
6. I have a bad habit of speaking over ppl in the middle of their sentences. Thanks a lot dad. Lol
7. I will soon get a tattoo of my deceased mother-in-law either on the back of my left or right shoulder so she can always be by my side. <3 Miss u Vanessa…….
8. I overthink about everything!!
9. I don’t love myself enough to truly shine in front of everyone. Partly because I don’t like others to feel like they’re not worth anything.
10. My dog Cookie is the first && only dog I have ever owned && truly had the opportunity to take care of. She’s a blessing.
11. Mom, Dad, Brother…..I love u all. Never forget that. Think about u guys everyday. I wish blessings upon u all.
12. My future hubby, everytime he gives me that look, he still gives me goosebumps like he did when we first met. Its like I have known him forever….<3
13. If given a task, I will work hard to do whatever it is. If I don’t succeed, I know that I still did my best.
14. My favorite coloe is Purple. Always will be.
15. I wish incredible moments could last forever…
16. I was so dedicated to my job that I kept talking in my sleep repeating “Will that be for here or to go?” Hahah
17. I now truly know there is a definite heaven.
18. I tend to be the odd one out of a group or “clique” && I truly am realizing that IDGAF. :]
19. I sometimes can be suuuuper anti-social. But if I get a great vibe from u, I WILL talk to u a lot.
20. I don’t know what the future is gonna bring. I truly don’t. Anything can happen. I have been thru so much shit. I have made my mistakes. But one last that that I wanna say is…….I’m ready for it.

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It was a challenge to keep her still in a photo because of how much she licks my face, but I finally accomplished!! Lol, apparently its National Pet Day or some ish. So today, Cookie is the star celebrity! I love my little mamash! I spoil her w/ all da love I got! Aha

It was a challenge to keep her still in a photo because of how much she licks my face, but I finally accomplished!! Lol, apparently its National Pet Day or some ish. So today, Cookie is the star celebrity! I love my little mamash! I spoil her w/ all da love I got! Aha

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Okay okay, one more selfie. Lol, Another thing to mention is to go out there &amp;&amp; be selfless. Spread as much love onto others as u can. Stand up to what u believe in &amp;&amp; if u have any extra money on u or a meal/snack u can live without, pass it onto someone who needs it today. It may be the first meal they&#8217;ve had in a long while. It wouldn&#8217;t hurt to give them that. Hope everyone had a blessed day.&lt;3

Okay okay, one more selfie. Lol, Another thing to mention is to go out there && be selfless. Spread as much love onto others as u can. Stand up to what u believe in && if u have any extra money on u or a meal/snack u can live without, pass it onto someone who needs it today. It may be the first meal they’ve had in a long while. It wouldn’t hurt to give them that. Hope everyone had a blessed day.<3

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I understand that the #icebucketchallenge is for a great cause. ALS is a very serious disease that should definitely get attention &amp;&amp; we should definitely donate when possible. But wasting all of this water is indeed wrong when California is in the middle of a water crisis. Soon, our water supply here in America is going to decrease to a 10-12 month supply. So we need to get serious about using our water wisely. Drink water. Shower w/ water. Wash clothes, dishes, etc. DON&#8217;T THROW IT ON URSELF BECAUSE OF A TREND!

I understand that the #icebucketchallenge is for a great cause. ALS is a very serious disease that should definitely get attention && we should definitely donate when possible. But wasting all of this water is indeed wrong when California is in the middle of a water crisis. Soon, our water supply here in America is going to decrease to a 10-12 month supply. So we need to get serious about using our water wisely. Drink water. Shower w/ water. Wash clothes, dishes, etc. DON’T THROW IT ON URSELF BECAUSE OF A TREND!

Filed under icebucketchallenge

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The bullshit of life.

I’m sick && tired of being sick && tired.

I remember those days of endless relaxation && fun when I was young && dumb. Just everyday being happy && up to little activities like drawing, playing outside, pretending to be television or video game characters. Just endless creativity without any thoughts of pain, suffering, stress, loneliness, depression, or having judgemental thoughts about urself and/or others. U just didn’t think or care about any of that bullshit in life at all. It never comes to mind when u grow up with a childhood filled with blessed fun times where ur fortunate to have both parents around && cousins or siblings to have around u as well. There’s a long ass list of shit I’m tired && depressed about.

I’m sick && tired of:
—Working at a place that has employees who are full of themselves && that gossip && are so fake while following eachother around pretending to be “family” && shit. I hate that I care so fking much about that. About what they think about me or why their friendships are so close && I’m always the one on the sidelines left out of everything. I look at all of them having fun amongst eachother && it makes me miss my friends. Thing about growing up is that life’s bullshit caves in to where u can’t see them as often as u want. Or talk to them as u would like to. I miss having those fun, care-free days……..

I’m sick && tired of:
—Tragic events. The ones I love either really go thru it everyday or the ones I love create that bullshit. Sadly, that shit makes me not wanna talk to a lot of ppl. When me && my boo are going thru bullshit, I’m tired of seeing him depressed && not himself. It scares me && makes me worried as hell. && when my cousins, brother, or parents wanna talk to me, unfortunately, I don’t really ever get in the mood to talk to them because of the bullshit they have caused. Or when I’m stressed out && trying to help && be there for him, my mom or cousin Gabriel wanna call me && I literally can’t or don’t have time for that shit && they think I’m the one that’s full of shit…..

I just wanna go back to having fun, drinking, dancing, having a good ass time……..but life isn’t all about that. Is it selfish && stupid to want that to be all its about?? Am I stupid for having those those thoughts?? Maybe not. Because I honestly feel I deserve that shit. I always love others more than I love myself a lot of the time. && it can’t be that way. Its dangerous. But its true. It seems like there’s never any true, fun downtime when it comes to caring/loving others. It kind of kills me inside little by little inside when each day goes by. Like no one truly cares about me. Like its a drag or a chore when they do……..

One of the main reasons why I’ve wanted to just kill myself && get rid of another chore or drag in everyones lives…….
&& maybe I don’t deserve happiness. Because once I get those opportunities, I become overwhelmingly selfish w/ it that I don’t even notice I’m doin that. I wish Vanessa or Angela were here w/ me right now…….it seems like u guys get me………….
I miss my friends……..I miss my cousins……….I miss the old, young days……………..Fuck this life.
Just gotta keep thinking, its only temporary. This stress && pain will eventually go away…….
Eventually…..

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The end of a beautiful chapter in our lives, but the beginning of something new&#8230;..something to look forward to. We all shall meet again (God Willing).

The end of a beautiful chapter in our lives, but the beginning of something new…..something to look forward to. We all shall meet again (God Willing).

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All day long&#8230;.I&#8217;ve been asking myself&#8230;.why has God taken u away from us? So soon? So suddenly? I just can&#8217;t believe it&#8230;..I feel as if I were to call u, I will just hear u answer w/ ur lovely voice. Its like ur still here. I really don&#8217;t know how to feel. But every moment that comes &amp;&amp; goes, I just keep telling myself that ur in a better place. That ur in heaven back w/ ur daddy again. Daddy&#8217;s girl&#8230;.&lt;3 My heart is breaking &amp;&amp; I wish u could just come back. Just open ur eyes &amp;&amp; make me laugh like u always do. I love u so much Vanessa&#8230;..U were like another mother to me. I can&#8217;t take off those earrings u gave me. I will never bake a cake as good as u make them. U were just so incredibly beautiful in every way. I think, right now as I&#8217;m speaking, ur just right next to us ready to spend the day together. Oh Vanessa&#8230;&#8230;I miss u so much. My heart hurts&#8230;..&lt;/3 U were gone too soon.

All day long….I’ve been asking myself….why has God taken u away from us? So soon? So suddenly? I just can’t believe it…..I feel as if I were to call u, I will just hear u answer w/ ur lovely voice. Its like ur still here. I really don’t know how to feel. But every moment that comes && goes, I just keep telling myself that ur in a better place. That ur in heaven back w/ ur daddy again. Daddy’s girl….<3 My heart is breaking && I wish u could just come back. Just open ur eyes && make me laugh like u always do. I love u so much Vanessa…..U were like another mother to me. I can’t take off those earrings u gave me. I will never bake a cake as good as u make them. U were just so incredibly beautiful in every way. I think, right now as I’m speaking, ur just right next to us ready to spend the day together. Oh Vanessa……I miss u so much. My heart hurts…..</3 U were gone too soon.

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Jenny makin me laugh got me lookin goofy as hell! Lol, Promise me we will all chill again &amp;&amp; go to Pinche&#8217;s Pizza! Ahaha, One of those nights u wanna cherish.&lt;3

Jenny makin me laugh got me lookin goofy as hell! Lol, Promise me we will all chill again && go to Pinche’s Pizza! Ahaha, One of those nights u wanna cherish.<3

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Doin big thangs w/ a side of buffalo wangs! Minus the wings&#8230;&#8230;I wish I had some&#8230;&#8230;.**fat girl moment, lol

Doin big thangs w/ a side of buffalo wangs! Minus the wings……I wish I had some…….**fat girl moment, lol